"I once went out with a guy who told me I didn't need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him: 'I'm drinking so that you are more fun to be around!' ".
"A convict breaks into a house and finds a couple in bed. He pushes the man out and ties him to a chair. Then he proceeds to tie up the wife to the bed and starts to kiss her neck. The convict then runs into the bathroom. While he is in there, the husband whispers to his wife: 'Listen, this guy is a convict. Look at his clothes! I saw how he kissed your neck so if he wants to have sex do not resist, do whatever he says or he will kill us both! Be strong honey! I love you'. The wife then responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck, he was whispering in my ear. He told me he's gay, thinks you are really cute and asked if we had some Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey! I love you too'. One night I was having dinner with a female friend. I ordered fish and offered her some. She refused by saying: 'I don't eat fish because I am Pisces'. I answered: 'Wow, because I do not eat scorpions!'. She was like 'Oh, because you are a Scorpio?'. I said: 'No, because they are poisonous'.
